There are 5 main reasons; 5 main beliefs that prevent us from reaching out for help when we could use it the most… and helpful ways to see them.

1. “This is too much! I feel too horrible to talk to anyone.” I get it. Sometimes it’s all just too much. We don’t like to feel some emotions intensely. Sometimes the only possible response to intense emotions is “running away” for a while. It can be helpful to give ourselves permission to not “fix” anything for a while… to give myself permission to be broken. And then… there’s a point when to continue feeling miserable is simply indulging our own self-pity. At some point, if we want to move forward, we must say, in one way or another, “Oh well!” and get up, dust ourselves off and get on with it. Even if we don’t feel like we can do much, just taking one small step is a great start.

I don’t want to do yoga anymore.  (Audience gasps in horror. Rotten tomatoes are thrown. Mayhem ensues)

I know… I know.  We’re all told by confident, wise looking people that yoga is supposed to be the answer to all our problems.  But for me, it’s become more of a chore than an interest.  And it’s strange, but in saying that, I feel as if I’m in some way “defecting” from the yoga/peace/ cool/nouveau-hippy movement that’s been oh-so-popular for what…25 years? And I can already begin to hear the yoga-apologist critics in my head ….

How many times have we hated the way we’ve felt? How many times have we found ourselves in painful times wishing they would end? As soon as we have a feeling we don’t like, it seems we do our very best to run in the other direction.  And fair enough! Why would anyone want to stay in a situation that feels horrible?  Whether it’s anger, sadness, helplessness, despair or loneliness, it’s pretty normal and human to want it to stop. And I wouldn't ever argue that someone shouldn’t attempt to feel better in any situation.

But here’s my question: What would we miss out on if we never had an uncomfortable or painful feeling?

Now this is not the end. 
It is not even the beginning of the end. 
But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. 

— Winston Churchill

 I recently had the following text-conversation with a client, Tracy (name and some details changed to maintain confidentiality); a single white female in her mid 40s whom I’ve known for a few years. She was married and divorced in her early 20s and has been single since. Our past sessions have been mostly centered on her relationship with her father, and a very difficult  workplace situation.

Alison recently moved from Edmonton to Montreal. At first she experienced the initial excitement of being in a new place and some loneliness being away from her parents and friends. She soon began dating a new man, Pete, and was excited and hopeful that it would lead to something long-term …and slightly concerned that it might not.  After about 4 months, Alison felt that Pete was distancing himself and her worries and fears began to escalate…

It seems that more and more often people are coming to see me because they are feeling overwhelmed with life. They feel trapped, anxious and stressed with many “obligations” – feeling pulled in 12 directions at once. This article is about a technique I often use to help my clients find ease within this kind of stress. I want to share this technique with you in the hope that it will give you a practical way to experience how free and peaceful you really already are. All it takes is your imagination.

Ed has been experiencing some panic recently. (Name and identifying details are changed to preserve confidentiality.) For him, it mostly happens in big public places such as large stores like Home Depot. In places like that he seemingly, out of the blue, begins to feel twinges of fear. The fear gets “bigger and bigger” and eventually becomes so overwhelming he has to leave the store in a hurry. And like many people who experience feelings of panic like Ed does, every time he goes through this, he is convinced that there is, essentially, something wrong with him.

Lynn is a young mother with a 1-year-old baby and is married to Jerrik, the owner of a reasonably successful business. She has difficulties getting along with Jerrik’s parents. She told me, they aren’t great at communication and from what she’s said about them, it sounds like they often use guilt to get what they want from people. Lynn has tried to talk to them about this in the past, but it hasn’t helped. Her in-laws have responded by saying things like, “Well, that’s just too bad that you feel like that.” and, “that’s your opinion. It has nothing to do with us.”